1Yellow Rose

This written the first mothers day after my moms death

1 Yellow Rose

Happy Mother’s Day Mommy!

Yea this one, this day got to me.

I cried on your birthday,

I even cried on my birthday,

However, today I had to do more than just cry,

I had to do something for you,

So I bought this rose.

It’s yellow your favorite...

I only bought you one of them...

No it not because I’m broke...

It's what you said that drove me to get it...

1 rose means more than a dozen,

When it’s given with love,

When it’s given from the heart,

When it’s given from you, my sweet rose.

Yes every mother’s day I got you a rose,

Sometimes I threw in some Russell stoves when I had enough cash.

A single yellow rose and a box of chocolates,

Sort of a tradition I guess.

I remember you’d pick out the vanilla ones,

Those were always your favorite.

Then the rest of the pieces you’d share with all of us.

You were always so generous...

It's hard to believe that just a year ago I was handing the box and the flower directly to you.

Afterwards I would receive one of your heartfelt hugs of appreciation.

Today, however, the box and rose sit lonely on the kitchen table.

I’m not sure quite what to do with them just yet.

I just simply had to get them.

I had to do something for you on this day,

This empty lonely mother’s day.....

I miss you so much mommy!

I miss your warm heartfelt hugs...

I miss crying on your shoulders as you wiped my tears away....

I miss watching movies with you giggling and crying, almost in unison....

I miss your voice it could comfort me in the darkest times...

I miss your excitement over every little achievement me or Annie made...

I miss the proud look you gave when you looked at my little one...

I.... I... simply just ...miss everything about you....

I LOVE YOU MOMMY!

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!

Crying

Crying

I don't know why I'm crying

its not going to change anything

your love for me is fleeting

I do every thing to keep you by my side

but every other hour by you I am denied

I don't get it am I that bad of a person

am I too stupid to learn your lesson

I hate every thing about myself

I feel as if I am stuck living in hell

you have a way to let me out but you don't want to help

you look down and laugh at my torture

then you through stones at me and call me a whore

I hate you fat slut you yell then shut the door

Through His Eyes

Needless to say I got allot of hate mail when I posted this.

It was for a contest and I am not making a political statement.

Through His Eyes

It is my turn; I have to admit that I've been dreading this for awhile.
However, I can’t just sit here and watch as more of my friends and family die.
I've seen it happen all too often for it not to have an effect on my mind.
They drag them out of their homes, they kill our people in they're streets.
My father, yea, he was killed right in front of me just last week.
Seriously do they really think they're doing the right thing?
After all, don't they realize this is our country?
Why won't they let us choose to be, what we choose to be.
Let the fighting and the violence be ours, let us be.
After all don't you have enough mess going on over there of your own?
The torture, the killing, don't you know you reap what you have sown.
So I do it, I strap the bomb to my chest, [click]
for what purpose do I, honestly, have left.
My family are all dead, my friends yes most of them are also dead.
The most aggravating thing is, they are actually trying to put the fault on my head.
Well I'll show them, yes, I'll give them the wake up call.
Now they will have to see what I saw.
I will board the plane with my fellow men.
I will go to a better place, and I will see my family again.
I know I will acquire my reward in heaven.

You will always be there

This was written as a teenager its pretty safe for me to say I didn't know jack about love.

You will always be there

Past love that won’t go away 
you are in my heart to stay 
yes another owns it now 

Yes I’m the one who turned you down 

a decision was made 
and he sits here today 
although I have to admit 
I do at times regret it 

you know who you are 
you know you are still in my heart 
I miss you it’s true 
I’m so sorry that I hurt you 

Your Life Through My Eyes

My first and last spoken word piece. 

Your life through my eyes

sliced wrist

stumbling

drugged

collapsing

yelling

screaming

loving

hanging

unconscious

hospital

overdose

crying

pain

weakness

poverty

lying

trying

screaming

crying

silence

blue face

overdosing

dying

Why did you have to leave?

This was written right after my mother died.

Why did you have to leave?

I can’t sleep at night because of the haunting memory

Your mom might not make it they said

But i had heard that so many times

I cursed at you for again overdosing

Five minutes later i got a call

She didn't make it they said

This is a dream a nightmare i screamed

This can’t be true not my mom no

Fuck you it’s not true I yelled

Then I froze I just sat there

I was so stunned that I just completely shut off.........

Because I don't mattter

This was written when my husband was first showing signs of bi-polar.

Because I don't matter

I must be stupid to want to stay with you 
Sometimes you’re so horrible that I even hate you 
I've gone through hell and back just to be with you 
Remember all those nights I stayed to take care of you 
Of course you don’t because I don’t matter to you 

I’m sick of trying to make the mark 
I’m sick of crying here in the dark 
Don’t you understand that I feel so alone 
Don’t you know the pain of never knowing where’s your home 
of course you don’t because I don’t matter to you 

Here you go again talking about someone else 
Here you go again only caring about yourself 
Don’t you see all the pain in my eyes 
Don’t you see all the insecurity that in me lies 
Of course you don’t because I don’t matter to you 

Do you know what it’s like to see love in someone’s eyes 
Do you know what it’s like to see it turn to hate in the same night 
I try so hard to make you love me 
I try so hard to be what you want me to be 
I try so hard but you don’t love me 
Of course you don’t because I don’t matter to you